Come unto Him

I recently had a conversation with a friend about the comprehensive impact of the atonement of Jesus Christ.  It made me reflect on times where I have experienced that grace in different capacities.  I remembered that when I was a teenager, I set a goal to never let the hard experiences that I went though make me jaded (desensitized).  This goal has proven much harder than my 14-year-old self thought it would be, but I've learned a lot from trying to keep it, particularly about forgiveness, repentance, and having the strength to push through hard things.  All of these acts have required healing and help from my Savior.  I am so grateful to know that I can be made better through his grace.  Here is a sketch of what the process of tapping into that help normally looks like for me.

Atonement

Heartache makes me sadder, then wiser, and eventually more afraid.  Parts of me become untouchable…buried beneath deep masonry.  I try to uproot the pain and purge it from consciousness.  I try to fill the gaps in my love with the dispelled shrapnel, but I don’t know how.  I don’t know how to keep reassembling when the pieces become smaller and more jagged.  I feel that some bits can never be recovered, that some cracks are never entirely forged—that I am permanently broken. 

So what do I do with the scarred heart that remains?  I hide it.  Only few of those whom I’ve trusted and known for a long time get to see, and even then I get chipped and bruised.  This saddens me.  I know there is a way to mend what has been shattered, but sometimes I feel I don’t know how.

Too many pieces…too many holes…too much pain…too many fears.  Help.

I wrestle.  I wrestle with myself and with God.  What of how I feel is real?  What is a result of my own tainted perceptions?  Who am I again?  Can I be made whole?

So many pieces…so many holes…so much pain…so many fears.  Help.

Placid peace pervades through the chaos; then, wondrous words echo throughout my soul and seep into each wound.

“Learn of me, and listen to my words.  Walk in the meekness of my spirit, and I shall give you peace.  My love will never cease—for I am Jesus Christ.”

The Master reaches out His hand and my inner tempest is stilled.  Hope reappears, healing pursues, and what was once unimaginable becomes reality.

No broken pieces…no more holes…no more pain…no more fears.  Love.