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I really do trip over myself on a daily basis...



You know when you’re thirteen years old and you go through that awkward stage where your feet and arms are way too long for the rest of your body? Ha—then you try and walk and your arms are swinging out of control and you keep tripping over your recently acquired pair of clown shoes! Of course in a year or two the rest of yourself catches up and you start to look a lot more balanced out, but for a while (lets face it), you are just plain weird. Well, I kind of feel like I’m in the awkward, disproportioned phase. Not literally, of course--I’ve been past that for quite some time (thank GOODNESS), but still. I feel like I’m caught between two versions of myself…not sure if that makes sense. Actually I’m sure that it doesn’t make sense as I don’t really understand exactly what’s going on myself (much like the 13 year old). The best guess that I have is that I'm starting to feel graduation and real life away from the BYU bubble inch closer...and I'm sure the fact that I have all of these dreams and ideals and am not sure which ones will actually be attainable and when/how to make everything happen is also a contributing factor. I feel like a compact ball of built up energy that's just waiting to explode and see how far she can get...ha. That sounds really dramatic and cheesy, but it's true. I'm that kid who's REALLY, painfully ready to grow into herself...to grow into who she really is deep down...though no one, herself included, can really see what she'll look like when all is said and done. GAH! I shall figure it out! Or I’ll just need to learn how to not worry about it—I tend to overthink quite a bit! :D

I have a favorite song from an EFY CD from forever ago (Joy in the Journey) that kind of illustrates a part of my feelings of worthy restlessness...the chorus is as follows:

"We are reaching for the future.
"We are reaching for the past
"and no matter what we have, we reach for more.
"We are desperate to discover what is just beyond our grasp
but maybe that's what heaven is for."

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